He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
