hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
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i just sold back the books i vomitted on
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
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