I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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