you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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