All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
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Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
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I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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