This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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