I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
