After last night, I could never be a politician.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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