I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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