so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
