I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
