wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
