It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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