i barfeds in our rink
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
