I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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