You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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