Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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