is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
