i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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