Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
