Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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