After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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