I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
