I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
