my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
