What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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