I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
