TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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