K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
