I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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