At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
