Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
