I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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