My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
