i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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