The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
