Whod you bang
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
