Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
how drunk are you?
Several
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize