please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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