better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
