I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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