why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
