Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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