Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
