those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
