i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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