Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
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i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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