You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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