piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Randomize
