Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
