My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
