You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
