Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
