I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
