My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
