i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
