David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So squirting runs in the family.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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