i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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