Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
