is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
