I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize