he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Let's paint friendship bongs
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
