dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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