i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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