I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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