Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
