im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
