Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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