I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
