i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
