I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
