She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
