I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
