I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
God, I missed his penis.
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