My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
