I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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