The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
